And then there was this time that H&M sold my pants.
Okay…fine. They weren’t my pants. Yet. But they should have been. If my soulmate could be pants, those pants would have been it (sorry Troy..)
I need a wardrobe overhaul folks. This month Troy and I had a wedding reception type thing to go to, and next week (during my birthday..yawn) I have a Manager’s Retreat for 4 days with the company(that’s a way of my company trying to make “sales conference” sound less boring) complete with an awards dinner.
I have been wearing the same boring clothes for more than a year now. This is both because I’m lazy, and because my voluptuous figure makes me want to punch anyone and everyone when I shop for clothes.
I finally made the decision to buy some new dressy type clothes. This started with window shopping the day before payday. At first I was planning on buying a dress. I will tell you that was not happening. My boobs are too gigantic. Without looking like a hooker I just can’t make that happen.
Maybe they will shrink?
Ha..right. If they haven’t shrunk yet it isn’t going to happen. (Why do these posts always end up being about my boobs?) I tried several stores, all filled super unhelpful sales girls that would roll their eyes at the mere suggestion they help me find a size.
Eventually I ended up at H&M, dress shopping had turned into: find a cute pantsuit type dealie that doesn’t make me look like an idiot. At first I wanted a pink blazer to wear with black pants.
That wasn’t happening. If a 150$ pink blazer won’t tame these girls, nothing will.
So I thought about it, and while I was looking around a table of brightly coloured slim fit dress pants caught my eye. But could I pull them off? At this particular moment I had a flashback to last year when Troy and I were going out to a band thing and I was going to wear my red skinny jeans and a pacman shirt.
Alright. Why would I take fashion advice from someone that looks like a caveman with a daywalker beard? I would rely on my girlfriends instead. According to them I could pull it off, and well. I grabbed a pair of hot pink pants, a black boyfriend style blazer and tried them on.
I really did look good if I do say so myself! unfortunately I had no money yet, but the lovely sales lady assured me she would set them aside for me until I got paid the next day.
Well, I should have known better, because not only was my outfit not set aside when I went in the next day- but it was all sold. I couldn’t even opt for another colour.
I wanted to take a shit on the floor of H&M. They were really lucky I didn’t have to go.
I still dream about those pink pants.