Well, today was week 6, also known as…measurement and weigh in week.

This is the first time I’ve done this since my initial weigh in, so I was a little nervous. Turns out I had nothing to be nervous about! I’m sure I will start to plateau soon, but man did seeing these numbers make me feel good!

Starting Weight: 204lbs (I gained 2 during my first week, so I’ve added those on)

New Weight: 185

Total lost: 19 pounds (I did a snoopy dance when I realized this)

Measurements:

Neck: down to 14 from 14.5

Chest: down to 44 from 45

Shoulders: down to 47 from 48

Waist: down to 37 from 40

Hips: Down to 43.5 from 46

Right Bicep: down to 13 from 13.5

Left Bicep: Stayed at 13.5 (weird, right?)

Right Thigh: down to 24 from 25.5

Left Thigh: down to 23 from 24.5

Right calf: stayed at 16

Left Calf: stayed at 16

Total lost: 12 inches

Other than being a little lopsided, I couldn’t be happier with these results!

My morning did not start great. I generally take Mondays off for a reason: I hate them.

At 9am I check my phone from the comfort of my bed. Jasper is laying beside me, Troy has left for work. All is well. I do make a mental note that the shift starter for work hasn’t been sent in to me…this is a little odd but I figured it was just forgotten.

I was half asleep so  I didn’t give it more thought.

5 minutes later my phone rings. It’s my area administrative manager. She’s trying to get into my store and it’s locked. Right away my Monday morning rage starts bubbling up. You see, I am a very fair manager. I don’t do write ups, I don’t say no to days needed off, and I will work a 80 hour work week when needed if someone is sick or has an emergency.

But my staff?  They take advantage of this. It’s something I’m aware of and I told them May would be a new month and until they stopped taking advantage, I wouldn’t be as laid back as I had in the past.

How am I being rewarded? My opener didn’t show up on time. I called her and she argued with me that she started at 10am. I make the damn schedules, I think I know when you start. I roll out of bed, throw on some sweat pants,  don’t bother with a bra and drive to work.

Lucky girl was there by the time I got there, but she didn’t even apologize. I am fuming.

An hour later I send out an email and followup text to the team to let them know their focuses for the day. I get a text back at 11:30 from my second shift saying he will be ready to focus once his car starts so he can get to work.

His shift started at 11. By this point I am ready to kill someone. How hard is it to show up to work on time? If you have car issues you take a fucking cab or bus, and you call your mother fucking boss to let her know what’s going on!

This is the most frustrating Monday morning ever. Why is good help so hard to find?

6 weeks of personal training down.

I’m not going to lie, working put 5 days a week is hard fucking work. Once I’m done work for the day I want nothing more than to go home a relax with my little family.

But getting results will never be that easy, right?

I’ve lost 8 pound so far.  I gained 2 pounds during my first 2 weeks of working out which was super frustrating.  I know I shouldn’t worry so much about the number on the scale.

Why? My clothes fit better and are too big, I feel more confident, less ragey and I am so much stronger!  I’m lifting double what I started with, and I am no longer winded.

Monday we are taking measurements on Monday! I’m excited to see the difference in numbers!

Please not that quote is from an Anberlin song, not a One Direction song. Just to you know, clarify.

It’s happening. I’m getting married.

Back before I lost all my content I had written a post called, “The anti-proposal”. It’s amazing how things change. Troy had always said he would never get married, and I had finally begun to accept that.

I don’t have some big elaborate proposal story, and I don’t need one. It was raw, real and amazing.

Plus you know, I have a totally amazing ring.

And oh yeah, did I mention I’m getting fucking married!??!!

I’ll try very hard not to allow this blog to become all about wedding junk.

I just finished the week from hell.

Last Sunday someone quit. They quit without giving me any notice.

And then he ugly girl cried. By that point I wasn’t even listening anymore, I was gritting my teeth and trying really hard not to freak the fuck out. Because really, who does that?

I run a small store with a very small staff, by losing one person I had to work 60 hours (and am paid salary, so I didn’t even make more money for it) mostly 11 hour days.

Let me tell you folks, that shit sucks.

But on a positive note, I still made it to the gym 5 nights last week.

On another positive note, I gained a pound. I really should have listened to my trainer when he asked me not to weigh myself. This week we’re taking my measurements so that I can track my progress that way.

My clothes seem to fit better already, but man seeing that gain made me angry.
What a week.

So I’ve completed week one in my journey to a healthier, new me. I want to hold myself accountable,  so I’m going to post about it on here. To start with I have 3 sessions with a trainer per week, and I’m going to the gym at least 5 times a week.

Monday: My first official appointment. I do a fitness test, and a light full body work out.

The verdict? I am weak and by the time I am done I feel like I am dying. The next day I can barely move and even my arm pits hurt.

Tuesday: Rest Day

Wednesday: A mixed workout..mostly arms. The last thing my trainer has me do is a wall sit while holding two 12 pound weights infront of me. I almost puke on him once he says we are done.

Endorphines are a bitch.

The verdict: I am a little less sore the following day, but I feel more confident and more energetic. My cravings for sweets are getting better.

Thursday: 45 minutes of cardio.

Friday: Leg workout. Trainer has me trying to do some sort of weird lunge hop thing. I fail horribly, we opt for standing lunges instead. We also decide that I need to find something else to eat for lunch on my training days.

Because yes, I almost threw up again. I am super out of shape.

Saturday: Rest Day

Tomorrow I’m going in to do cardio again. I might do a Zumba class and then hop on the treadmill.

I have to say I already feel a change. I actually look forward to going to the gym, I’m not as tired and my stress levels are so much better.

I think I am going to post measurements on here to track my progress. I might even take some pictures…even though I really don’t want to.

The only thing I really am having trouble changing is getting up early in the mornings. I am constantly hitting the snooze button and as a result I am skipping breakfast sometimes still!

What do you do to make your mornings easier?

Oh boy.

The other day I went and resigned up at a fairly new local gym..it’s beautiful. However I will be the first to admit that I find these new huge gyms to be super fucking intimidating. I have no idea what I’m doing so I usually pop in for class, do some cardio for a few weeks and get frustrated and give up.

It’s a cycle, one that has been going on for years. My weight has always flunctuated, but lately I’ve just been feeling gross. I’m the heaviest I’ve been in a long while (200 lbs on the nose. I can’t believe I wrote that.)  and enough is enough. I’m not getting any younger and I need to take care of myself. Ontop of that, I miss how I use to feel- I was super confident because I had what I felt, was a body most women would pay for.

How has it gotten this far? Well I drink way too much pop, Troy is an amazing cook- but he doesn’t like using low fat or calorie ingredients, I skip breakfast all the time and I’m a stress eater. I’ve gained almost 30 pounds since I met Troy. While he is lovely and is always reassuring me that I’m beautiful, I don’t feel beautiful. Sometimes I look in the mirror when I try to shop for clothes and I want to cry.

OR hit someone.

It all came to a head last week. I went dress shopping. I went dress shopping for something that won’t be happening for about a year and a half, but I wanted to see what all the hubub was about. I hated it. The styles I liked didn’t go over my  chest, and the ones I could get on made me look 3x bigger than I really am. While I was surrounded by other women who loved everything they tried on and couldn ‘t make a decision, I wanted to crawl into a hole…instead I went home and ate a cheeseburger on my way.

See? I have a problem.

So I’ve finally done something about it. I just got paid a hefty bonus and I spent more than half of it to get a personal trainer. I have 92 sessions, probably for about a year, but I really need someone to hold me accountable to actually showing up at the gym and  changing my awful habits to healthier ones.

My first session is tomorrow night and I am terrified. Mostly I’m terrified I’ll vomit all over the poor guy or something- I am super out of shape after all. If I do, at least it will make for a good story.

I’ve reached the last lap of my 20′s.

It’s funny to think back about how far I’ve come and how much I’ve changed.

I am really hoping for this last lap to continue in an insanely positive direction. Even the last year has brought huge changes. I’m a completely different person!

I have my first grown-up, salaried job (though I will say, sometimes working on a salary sucks), I finished a bankruptcy and I’ve learned so much about myself. I have things I need to work on obviously, but I am so proud of myself for all I’ve accomplished.

I see huge things coming, I’m still in the, “don’t jinx it” phase…so I won’t talk about it on here quite yet.

A few things to work on? I need to get out of my comfort zone. I need to make some girlfriends in this town, I need to focus on myself. I really do. It all begins Monday!

Any advice? I have no idea how to even begin putting myself out there to make friends at this age. I feel a little pathetic even typing that.

Okay…fine. They weren’t my pants. Yet. But they should have been. If my soulmate could be pants, those pants would have been it (sorry Troy..)

I need a wardrobe overhaul folks. This month Troy and I had a wedding reception type thing to go to, and next week (during my birthday..yawn) I have a Manager’s Retreat for 4 days with the company(that’s a way of my company trying to make “sales conference” sound less boring) complete with an awards dinner.

I have been wearing the same boring clothes for more than a year now. This is both because I’m lazy, and because my voluptuous figure makes me want to punch anyone and everyone when I shop for clothes.

I finally made the decision to buy some new dressy type clothes. This started with window shopping the day before payday. At first I was planning on buying a dress. I will tell you that was not happening. My boobs are too gigantic. Without looking like a hooker I just can’t make that happen. Maybe they will shrink?

Ha..right. If they haven’t shrunk yet it isn’t going to happen. (Why do these posts always end up being about my boobs?) I tried several stores, all filled super unhelpful sales girls that would roll their eyes at the mere suggestion they help me find a size.

Eventually I ended up at H&M, dress shopping had turned into: find a cute pantsuit type dealie that doesn’t make me look like an idiot. At first I wanted a pink blazer to wear with black pants.

That wasn’t happening. If a 150$ pink blazer won’t tame these girls, nothing will.

So I thought about it, and while I was looking around a table of brightly coloured slim fit dress pants caught my eye. But could I pull them off? At this particular moment I had a flashback to last year when Troy and I were going out to a band thing and I was going to wear my red skinny jeans and a pacman shirt.

He laughed.

Alright. Why would I take fashion advice from someone that looks like a caveman with a daywalker beard? I would rely on my girlfriends instead. According to them I could pull it off, and well. I grabbed a pair of hot pink pants, a black boyfriend style blazer and tried them on.

I really did look good if I do say so myself! unfortunately I had no money yet, but the lovely sales lady assured me she would set them aside for me until I got paid the next day.

Well, I should have known better, because not only was my outfit not set aside when I went in the next day- but it was all sold. I couldn’t even opt for another colour.

I wanted to take a shit on the floor of H&M. They were really lucky I didn’t have to go.

I still dream about those pink pants.

So much is going on. Changes are happening.

It’s all very positive even if it is stemming from something negative. I can’t go into much detail because it’s not my story to tell, but everything is going to be fine.

Troy and I have reached a new level in our relationship. At first it was so very overwhelming, but now I’m just plain fucking happy.

I can’t wait to be able to write specifically about some of the super positive things that have been going on.

Soon!

Ps- this post is pretty transparent.